Friday, January 24, 2014

If I Were a Yak I Would Complain

Her: No, NO, NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Silence.
This can't be good.
I can hear Her scuffling about on the floor.
Clearly, She is investigating some sort of disaster or major infringement of The HOUSE RULES. Sherlock Homes is on the case.

Her: I KNOW YOU DID NOT DO THIS. I AM CLOSING MY EYES AND WHEN I OPEN THEM, THE MILLIONS OF TINY HOLES IN THE HARDWOOD FLOOR WILL BE GONE.

Silence. I imagine Sherlock's eyes are slowly creaking open........possibly seeing red because the Detective sounded very cross. Very cross, indeed.

Her: ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE? COME HERE IF YOU ARE! COME!

Much like a dog who has naughtily piddled on the floor, I reluctantly shuffle into the gallery hallway. My head is down, tail between my legs. I know I have been bad but I am not sure why.
Her: YOU HAVE YOUR BOOTS ON. IN THE HOUSE. WITH YOUR YAK-TRAX!!

Me: So? I had to run in to pee and then I forgot to take them off.
HER: I TOLD YOU! They have tiny nail-like cleats all over the bottom and you have made billions of holes in the hardwood floor!!!
Me: I thought there were suction cups on the bottom.

Her: WELL THEN THEY WOULD BE CALLED SQUID-TRAX AND YOU'D HAVE A PRETTY HARD TIME SUCTION CUPPING ALL OVER THE BACK YARD.

Me: WELL WHY DO THEY CALL THEM YAK-TRAX? Yaks don't have tiny nails on the bottoms of their paws!! How stupid is THAT!
Her: YAKS HAVE HOOVES!!
Me: Well, the goats have hooves but they don't have little nails things in them!
Her: NEITHER DO YAKS!
Me: WHO EVER HEARD OF ANYTHING SO RIDICULOUS AS PUTTING TINY NAILS ON THE BOTTOMS OF SHOES!
Her: OH, I DON'T KNOW......MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS, GOLFERS, SOCCER PLAYERS AND THE LIST GOES ON..........

HER: What do you have to say?
I say nothing because I am thinking about how neat it would be to have suction cups on the bottom of my shoes.
Me: I just invented something! What about swimming shoes with suction cups on them....you could walk all over the sides and bottom of a swimming pool.
Her: YES. AND YOU COULD START IN THE DEEP END.








1 comment:

Lucy said...

Squid-Trax.
You're killing me here!